I should probably wait till later today so I have more definite material, but I have a burden on me and I must relieve my stress. On April 1st, I attended a wake for my great aunt, whom I've known for a very long time. She's been sick for quite some time and it was very saddening to hear of her passing. It was rather awkward sitting there for 5 hours not really knowing anybody very well and not knowing what to say. This gave me some quality thinking time. Unfortunately, it did not assist me and my clueless head for Script Frenzy. However, I did have some deep thoughts cooking in that pot that is my head. I thought about how many of the people there were fairly old themselves and it could only be a matter of years before we return to see them lying in a casket (Aren't I just lovely at wakes?).
Furthermore, I started looking into my own life. My biggest fear has always been death. I know when you die, you become one with the world and lie in peace. I am religious and I do believe in an afterlife, but I still wonder what happens once you take your final breath. I don't know what's scarier. The thought of your final breath or what happens afterwards. I know I'm still fairly young, but I worry how long I'll last. I'm not exactly in the healthiest of conditions to be quite honest with you. And I feel I can be honest with you here. You're all very supportive. This summer is already filling up with endless ideas for videos, and assistant directing, and college searching, but I need to take a step back and really think. Do I want to live the way I have been any longer? Absolutely not. That is why I will change and get into better shape and do whatever it takes to be better.
I know some of you may comment back at your own computer screen saying, "You don't need to change a thing." "You're awesome." "We love you, Matt!" I appreciate thoughts like this, but this is something I must do. And I hope I can receive continuous support from you all. I've been meaning to shape up for far too long and after tonight, between the thought of death and all the people there I had to awkwardly chat with, it is time to bring this plan into action.
I'm sorry to lay my burden on you in such a deep post, but this sort of thing troubles me. I don't like wakes.
Wow, getting serious in only your second blog post!
ReplyDeleteBut I definitely think it's fine to try to be healthier. Sure, we're all good the way we are, but it's good to try to improve, whether it be our health or things about our character and whatnot.
I definitely support you!