Hello! You know the drill by now. I tempt fate every year by predicting what the year is going to be like, while also setting myself on various paths and mindsets. I have been eight for eight. For better or worse.
I knew 2017 was going to be a year entirely different from the rest. While it was my first year outside of school, I continued to learn many lessons. Since 2010, there have been two trilogies. I intended to make 2017 a trilogy within itself — a grave mistake. I entered the year sad and miserable. I was getting over certain things that happened at the end of 2016. I thought this was no way to start a fresh year so I created three parts to 2017. The Intermission was the beginning; a chance to take a break. The official title, Act II, started shortly after my birthday and life quickly picked up again.
It was theatrical, exciting! It was all about starting a new chapter. I was able to stay connected with some of my closest friends and have new adventures with them. I was cast in several short films and Hamlet, which was one of the last great things to happen. Then came the Epilogue.
I had great reasons to create an epilogue. This was the Harry Potter epilogue and I intended to go to London in celebration. I chose to be in Hamlet in its place - something I don't regret. But I also believed them to be where the story wraps up nicely. You get to see the characters somewhere in the future and they all seem content. Maybe everything isn't perfect, but it all turns out. My definition of epilogue has been forever changed. While it usually signifies the end, I didn't expect it to be the end of almost every good thing I had. There was no contentment. Things didn't turn out, and I found myself in a spiral going downhill real fast. The only truth of the epilogue is that everything wasn't perfect. And so I ended the year sad and miserable.
Yes, the year played out very much like that of a dramatic play verging on tragedy. So how do I move on from that?
You may have noticed my growing love and passion for sunsets. Ever since we had the solar eclipse and were advised not to stare directly into the sun, I haven't seemed to be able to do anything but stare. And in the sunsets I've found beauty. It would seem some of the things I love and admire most are far away from me. Even my dreams seem to be at a distance these days. I'm not where I want to be and I haven't been for a little while now. I feel more lost now than ever before, but I've got a light leading the way.
Though there is still darkness in my life and the world, I shall continue to love the friends in my life. I will cherish my time with my parents and continue taking care of them. I shall create more; with my words and my thoughts, through writing, music, and acting. Because if I've ever managed to put value and meaning into the right things, it is these. I still have love and I still have passion and I wish to put them back into the things and people who deserve them. I hope it will better me as a person and bring me closer to them.
It's been a couple weeks into the year now, so I can say that as part of this resolution, I have joined a pact with my near (but very far away) and dear friend, Niamh, to do something creative everyday. Already this has led me to finally pick up my ukulele and start learning how to really play it. I know this will be a challenge some days, but I am so glad I've made this promise, and I'm so happy I have someone doing this with me so we can keep hyping each other up through this year. I imagine we will both create some great things, both for ourselves and the world. If anything, this is my crutch to stand upon.
Yes, I've been lost and feeling like I'm going nowhere as of late, but I know I'm going places. 2018 will bring me closer than ever. This may be the first year since 2010 I truly have no idea what's going to happen or where things are going, but I hope to step out into the light again.
It's time to set sail again. To find that spark of hope, that renewed happiness I first found back in London two years ago. It's out there. And I'm coming for it. I don't know how long it will take. I don't know what happens when I get there. And I don't know what comes next, but I'm going to find greatness. Through the clouded despair, I'm coming. From dawn to dusk, catch me.
2018: On the Horizon
