2020: Call It What You Want

Time has played a role the last two years and it will continue to play a role this year. You know how I am with trilogies. But I must say, this will be the final one. 2020 will be my final themed year. Foretelling your own fate for so long gets tiring, especially with all the hardships coming non-stop the past three years. Vulnerability is a nice thing to learn. That is all I’ll say of 2019. There are new lessons for me to fulfill now. 

In the summer of 2013, I began working on a concept for a new story. A fantasy setting staged in a Middle-Earth sort of land. I never wrote anything down, but it’s a story I’ve kept in my head and it has continued to grow over the years. In short, the people of this world are living in the middle ground between a dark age and a glorified time of peace and prosperity. They base their cycles of time on those ebbs and flows of dark times and ages of peace. But this next age is foretold to be the final one, the greatest one. 

The main characters give their very all to break through this last barrier before finding true serenity, only to fall into another dark age, unforeseen. I greatly doubt that I’ll ever write any of this down, so I’m not too cautious of spoilers. In a way, that’s what makes this story special to me. It’s of my own creation, and it’s all within my head. And as much as I’d love to share it with the world, sometimes we must create for ourselves, just as we must do other things for our own sakes. 

There is an irony to the age of time these people of this lost story seek. The question of whether such an age will come at all. I’m aware of the irony of incorporating such a concept into my own year’s title; the last year I’m giving a title to. Though if I should live long enough perhaps history shall repeat. And yet, I see no more a perfect idea to cap off a decade of themes and start a new decade than by using one from my own story. 

While this year encapsulates my own private and personal journey, I offer you an inclusion, and extend a chance for you to make what you want out of the time you have. As far as you can be concerned, 2020’s title is Call It What You Want. We all get a say in what we want and how we want to pursue that. I pass the torch if any be willing to take it. 

It is now seven years since I came up with an idea for such a story. Another irony. Or was it always planned? This story has a name. And this year has a title. And time shall decide how it all plays out. Day has already set. Night has already fallen. A dark age has already brewed. If the trees could sing, they would call me King. 

2010: The Year of Matt Johnson

2011: The Year of Awesome (and Awkward)

2012: Anything Goes

2013: A Turn of the Tide

2014: SAIL

2015: By the Pirate’s Code 

2016: Non-Stop

2017: Act II

2018: At Sunset

2019: A New York Minute

2020: The Seventh Dawn

2019: Everything Can Change

As the light of the sun drips below the surface and the splashes of color turn to night I am still here faced with what 2019 brings ahead. But the night is my favorite time of day. I am at my sharpest and most alive. Stars and the moon shine upon us all how can we complain about that? 

You may recall I titled 2018 “On the Horizon”. You may not recall that I changed that to “At Sunset”. The name itself doesn’t hold more significance, but the promise of a resolution broken by someone I opened up to and cared for was more than enough for me to change my course. Aside from the actual life tragedies I’ve had to go through over the year, the emotional pain was a blow to my well-being. I’m a man of second chances, so I kept an open door. 2019 will not be so accommodating. 

One thing has been made very clear to me in the last couple years. No matter how prepared I am for anything in the world, I will always be surprised by what the world comes up with. Despite the drama and hardships that 2017 set in motion during The Epilogue, I’ve continued to find the happy moments and the people that make them possible. I’ve found a group of theatre makers worth making art with. I once told a friend that I really valued having strong chemistry on and off stage and that made up a lot of what I enjoyed about acting. I was asked what I would do if stuck in a situation where that was nonexistent. I told him I wasn’t worried about that because I’d make sure to find the good people and I’d know those are the people I need to be doing theatre with.  I found the good people. Speaking of good people, I’ve been so fortunate to remain close with a few friends who make life so much more enjoyable. 

While on the topic, it’s time I mention that I have a 7 year actor’s plan. You know how people ask where you see yourself in 5 years? I can’t answer that question but I can tell you where I’ll be in terms of following my dream. I’ve succeeded in my goal for 24 and I’m very much on the right path for reaching my goal for 25. Now that I’ve started working as an extra in the city, I’m that much closer to where I plan to be. In 2018 I still felt lost. I was hopeful I’d come closer to finding my way. I think I still am. But I also found myself, extremely flawed and back in a high school mindset. Living back in my 3rd incarnation, jealous and angsty and afraid of what people thought of me. I know you won’t understand this as even I can’t quite explain how it works but I let that version of myself die on New Year’s Eve. I regenerated back to who I was in 2016. Make as much sense of that as you can. 

I’m now the person I’ve come to love and admire once more. I’m still getting better and bettering myself but I’m far off from who I was and how I was feeling back in March of 2018. It’s funny what a little time and distance can do. 

Time plays an important role in what’s to come. At sunset is a magical time. Whether it’s the beauty of the skies, the reflections on the water, or the idea of something moving on or coming to an end, there’s magic there. But it’s a set time. We always know it’s coming and we know when it’s coming. But like I said, the world is full of surprises and they can never be expected. There’s a title I’ve wanted to use over the years. I even planned on giving the title to 2016, but a dream a week before the new year suggested I name it something different. Ever since, I’ve decided it was a cursed theme and should never be used because of the implications it brings. But after the misery that 2017 and 2018 brought I’ve realized that I can’t be safe and hide behind my titles and yes, once more, I can’t truly predict anything. So why not? Let’s take a chance. The sun has set and I can look at life in a new light. Maybe just maybe. 

2019: A New York Minute 

2018: Here Comes The Sun

Hello! You know the drill by now. I tempt fate every year by predicting what the year is going to be like, while also setting myself on various paths and mindsets. I have been eight for eight. For better or worse. 

I knew 2017 was going to be a year entirely different from the rest. While it was my first year outside of school, I continued to learn many lessons. Since 2010, there have been two trilogies. I intended to make 2017 a trilogy within itself — a grave mistake. I entered the year sad and miserable. I was getting over certain things that happened at the end of 2016. I thought this was no way to start a fresh year so I created three parts to 2017. The Intermission was the beginning; a chance to take a break. The official title, Act II, started shortly after my birthday and life quickly picked up again. 

It was theatrical, exciting! It was all about starting a new chapter. I was able to stay connected with some of my closest friends and have new adventures with them. I was cast in several short films and Hamlet, which was one of the last great things to happen. Then came the Epilogue. 

I had great reasons to create an epilogue. This was the Harry Potter epilogue and I intended to go to London in celebration. I chose to be in Hamlet in its place - something I don't regret. But I also believed them to be where the story wraps up nicely. You get to see the characters somewhere in the future and they all seem content. Maybe everything isn't perfect, but it all turns out. My definition of epilogue has been forever changed. While it usually signifies the end, I didn't expect it to be the end of almost every good thing I had. There was no contentment. Things didn't turn out, and I found myself in a spiral going downhill real fast. The only truth of the epilogue is that everything wasn't perfect. And so I ended the year sad and miserable. 

Yes, the year played out very much like that of a dramatic play verging on tragedy. So how do I move on from that? 

You may have noticed my growing love and passion for sunsets. Ever since we had the solar eclipse and were advised not to stare directly into the sun, I haven't seemed to be able to do anything but stare. And in the sunsets I've found beauty. It would seem some of the things I love and admire most are far away from me. Even my dreams seem to be at a distance these days. I'm not where I want to be and I haven't been for a little while now. I feel more lost now than ever before, but I've got a light leading the way. 

Though there is still darkness in my life and the world, I shall continue to love the friends in my life. I will cherish my time with my parents and continue taking care of them. I shall create more; with my words and my thoughts, through writing, music, and acting. Because if I've ever managed to put value and meaning into the right things, it is these. I still have love and I still have passion and I wish to put them back into the things and people who deserve them. I hope it will better me as a person and bring me closer to them. 

It's been a couple weeks into the year now, so I can say that as part of this resolution, I have joined a pact with my near (but very far away) and dear friend, Niamh, to do something creative everyday. Already this has led me to finally pick up my ukulele and start learning how to really play it. I know this will be a challenge some days, but I am so glad I've made this promise, and I'm so happy I have someone doing this with me so we can keep hyping each other up through this year. I imagine we will both create some great things, both for ourselves and the world. If anything, this is my crutch to stand upon. 

Yes, I've been lost and feeling like I'm going nowhere as of late, but I know I'm going places. 2018 will bring me closer than ever. This may be the first year since 2010 I truly have no idea what's going to happen or where things are going, but I hope to step out into the light again.  

It's time to set sail again. To find that spark of hope, that renewed happiness I first found back in London two years ago. It's out there. And I'm coming for it. I don't know how long it will take. I don't know what happens when I get there. And I don't know what comes next, but I'm going to find greatness. Through the clouded despair, I'm coming. From dawn to dusk, catch me. 

2018: On the Horizon 

2017: What Comes Next

The Sea Trilogy ended with 2015 and now 2016 has ended the original trilogy, what started the decade of themes in the first place. The best years of my life parts 1, 2, and 3.

2016 was also known as the year that was nonstop, influenced by Hamilton, and a dream telling me to change the title from my original idea. This stored idea may very possibly resurface someday, but not this year.

In so many words, 2016 was everything I said it would be. It. Did. Not. Stop. The good, the bad. It just kept going. I understand for many, this was one of the worst years if not the worst, so I feel a little bad calling it the best of my life but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't.

Starting off in London certainly set the stage and I ran with it from there. I gained a new perspective for the world and for myself. I did so many things even I couldn't keep up with writing them all down. You can call me crazy, but I think that's already a given with these themes. I became a new person while abroad. Who I was before leaving and who I was after being there were different people with some of the classic qualities sticking around. For those keeping count, I'm on the 5th version of myself: the prime mattiejpwn years.

I did not think I could keep it up when I returned back home, but my final term of college was pretty much a 10 week send off party for me. It has been the last few months where I found myself struggling to keep things on the up and up. This brings us to where we are now. With the end of the year being the worst of it all I've questioned myself, what I want, what defines me, and how to go forward from a sad ending I brought on myself.

Well, this year is different. Hamilton is still a large influence in my life. I'm taking back the Pirate's code and breaking every rule I made for myself. I've completed two trilogies so you can guess a third one is beginning. However, this trilogy will take place all in the course of one year. It starts with an intermission. Currently that's where we are. Nothing much is happening. I'm still moving on from the end of last year. It would be too easy to close myself off and disappear. So that's what I've done. But only for a certain amount of time. After that begins the next chapter. My first year out of college. Everything is up in the air. Conflicts from before still linger, good things from before will reappear in new ways. There may be a musical number. Old characters will return and new ones will show up. This year I keep fighting for what I've always been fighting for. To continue being me. To believing in love and the good in the world. We're mixing it up this time. Mixing the new with the old. The curtain is starting to rise and the story continues. I hope we can all enjoy the show. Please silence your phones.

2017: Act Two


So where does the third part of this trilogy fit in? September 1st, 2017 holds a lot of significance. It is, as it is written, an epilogue. But where I will be by then is anyone's guess.

2016: Just You Wait

We all know why this tradition started, right? 2009 was terrible. I couldn't go another year like that. So I declared 2010 the year of Matt Johnson and therefore the best year of my life part 1. 2012 claimed part 2. I've known since then that 2016 would hold that third title. But what I've come to realize is that those years weren't necessarily "the best". They were both monumental points in my life that have shaped the course of my voyage, but there were crummy things about them. That brings me to the final (peg)leg of the sea trilogy: The Pirate's Code.

It's over so I can say it confidently and shamelessly. 2015 sucked. 2015 was worse than 2009. Perhaps it was the worst year of my life. Perhaps the second worst year. That is not to say some of the greater things in my life didn't come from this past year. The Pirate's Code so to speak was code for: this is gonna be a bumpy ride. But it was also my defining statement that I no longer follow the rules society demands of me. That's not to say I've become a full-blown rule breaker, but I've learned to follow my own ambitions and do things my way. I still have a lot of learning to do, but this is the most I've ever stood up for myself. And it's only going to continue.

It's fitting that the year before the best year of my life part 3 was kinda awful, which is what started all of this way back when. Now, I've known 2016's official title since the summer, but in the past week I had a dream, and in that dream I had changed the title. When I woke up, I realized that as my time on sea is coming to an end, I had to pick a path to go down. On the one hand, I've experienced a lot of pain this past year, some of it unbearable. And I know somehow someway some of that is going to continue this year. But I've also been reaching new levels of personal gain and success and I know that's going to continue this year too. At the end of the year, my dream came true and I've ultimately replaced my original title for the New Year. I will be leaving that title nameless as its future presence is inevitable. Until then, here's to this year!

If you've been following me the last year, you probably noticed that I've been going show to show and project to project without stopping for a breath. And with Hamilton having quite the impact on my life the past few months, there's only one way to do this.

2016: Non-Stop.

2015: Year Three at Sea

A little recap, shall we?

2013: The Turn of the Tide, The Unstoppable Year. 2013 took me to a whirlpool and changed a lot of things. It brought me closer to the person I am today....was yesterday.

2014: SAIL! The year of four doors. The doors are metaphors. They don't matter. Not to you. A year I promised to continue to do big things, and new things, and just plain things. I did. While this last year had some amazing times that I will remember forever, it was not always smooth sailing. But was it ever?

If you've been my friend over the years here, then you know what's coming next, the 6th title. But I thought that SAIL is a motto that shouldn't just stop. This year has been very difficult to define other than the fact that it is the year before the best year of my life part 3. Yes I thought that far ahead. So then I thought about how this should go. The past two years have been sea themed. 2015 should complete the trilogy. But how? Keep swimming? Don't hold your breath too long? I've often said that I skipped my teenage rebellion and it's come a few years too late. The end of 2014 brought me to realize that 2015 is all about doing what I want and how I want to do it. I've burnt a lot of bridges. It's a chance to save some and a chance to burn some more. It's a chance to keep doing new and greater things. It's a chance to pursue my dreams even more. The title has been tricky, but I think there's only one way to really sum up how I intend for this year to work. So here it is: Year Three at Sea.

2015: By the Pirate's Code.

The story is not yet over. 

Dorkboy

One time my musical director told me how as I worked my way into professional theatre I would find myself always being typecast as a certain type of character. Today I learned the role I’ll be playing for years to come. Today I learned that I will be playing myself. Last winter I was cast as Dorkboy in The Real Me. As the name suggests, I was a playing a dork. But I was playing so much more than a dork, I was being myself on stage. I was Dorkboy and Dorkboy was me.

This winter I’m playing another flirty dork. I’m once again basically playing myself. And honestly I think it’s the best kind of character out there for me. It’s a very comical character who gets the best lines, just like me. It’s the character who you just want to see get the girl for once, but you know he never will, just like me. I get to play myself and it’s the greatest thing because I’m able to bring that character to life like nobody else could. 

Of course from time to time I get to perform as completely different characters, but I have become every role I’ve ever played. So even when I’m not Dorkboy, I still very much connect with who I’m supposed to be.